he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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