She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize