the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
