I will die if light touches me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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