I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
