I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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