ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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