is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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