You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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