And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
