how can u be prego again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
