i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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