Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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