Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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