A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
