if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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