can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
