I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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