my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
