Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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