don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
