If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
