for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
