This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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