I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
