My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
