When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My ass is underappreciated
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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