If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have post one night stand depression
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize