Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
