i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
