I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
