You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize