i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
