Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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