dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize