Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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