He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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