She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
