**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
