I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
