I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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