High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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