are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
