im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize