Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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