I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
