after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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