The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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