i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
