She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
