Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Pooping to opera.
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