i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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