Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize