Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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