We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
