you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize