I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
