Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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