he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
