I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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