we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
