What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
