So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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