OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
