Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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