waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
