I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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