im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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