Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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