i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
