I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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