You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
