Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize