a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
