At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
