But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
