My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i think i just lost a toe
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
