Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
