Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
