i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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