508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
