Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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