the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
