Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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