you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
