Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
