If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You smell like stripper and shame
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
