don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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