So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
