I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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